midnightmatters

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Toronto, Ontario, Canada
This Blog is not for the faint of heart,my direct approach is to address the importance of lifestyle choices.. education and awareness.the story will unfold Midnight matters ..days just slip away..and nights get longer writing has been a passion of mine now I share it with my audience. sharing my stength.hope,faith Everything in between Thanks for visiting come back soon!

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Thursday, September 8, 2011

Mixed States

I have been in mixed states for months now nothing is relieving it,med changes,lifestyle changes, nothing seems to pull me from the darkness of mixed state it is depression and manic at the same time.My motivation to do anything is nil but my head has all these ideas and plans I could do.all these medications I am on make me very tired all I really want to do is sleep but at night I am very restless pacing the floors beneath me.I write to express myself as others would never understand cause they see you and you look fine but the feelings just don't disappear.
thanks for reading

Friday, May 27, 2011

Bipolar Manic Depression

I never liked the word depression,I call them low moods you know when you have it.
energy levels are low,everything seems dark and gloomy,you can cry at anything.
It can keep you in bed for hours even days.thoughts running through your brain how can I fix this,what is happening to me,all the things we should be doing but can't.
It use to come so easily to us.except now we are dealing with depression it is so much bigger than yourself.
Here are a few suggestions
See the doctor
Fill and take your prescription
Go for a walk no matter how hard it seems.just getting out of the house will lift your spirit even for a moment.
Take time to relax it is OK.
Do something that pampers yourself.
Read a book.
I find writing out my thoughts lets them out of my brain.
Mood monitor keep track of your mood cycles and take it to the doctor on your next visit.We can't remember one day to the next sometimes.
Mindful meditation I really did.t think this one would work but it does help.learn how to do it there are alot of resources on-line.
Get a support network friends, family,being alone and isolated is not good for someone who is depressed even though you just want to be left alone.
But most importantly be good to yourself and take it easy.
minimal stress will lessen the running thoughts.
Hope these suggestion help.
Leave a comment I appreciate them.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Genetics of Bipolar

Bipolar has a genetic component.It can be passed down through generations.
In my own family there are many of us that has now been diagnosed with Bipolar.I was the first which in a way.I feel blessed.I was able to do the research,I spent many hours resaerching the illness but more importantly the hours spent dealing with the illness,helping others within our group,informing family of symptoms and education and support available to them.I am sure it will make there journey less scary.to know they are not alone.Many I have known personally have suffered in silence and now are dead.My main point of advocacy is to be sure people talk about their illness and seek the professional help required to deal with the illness.We can't recover on our own.Bipolar is a life long illness but with treatment it is manageable
Daily life can be seen as a challenge but what doesn't break us makes us stronger.
Even in our times of self doubt,low self esteem something carries us.
higher power may you find it within yourself.
God bless please leave a comment thanks

Friday, May 20, 2011

Back to normal---- whatever that is.

I have feeling my old self. back to normal I could say whatever that is.
My normal is being able to function at a fast pace most call it mania.
It just makes me feel good shopping,spending, gambling all my favorite things to do.
Less sleep is required which suites me fine.I just wish the switches would give advance notice as to prepare for them.For example save more money for frivolous shopping sprees and gambling.The only thing good about not having the money is it keeps me in check and glued into my realities.
Good thing as the Dr will check me into reality as well Bipolar the illness has a symptom of acting out behaviors.such as listed above included are drinking,increased appetite,increased promiscuity,increased energy levels. I call it fun.
It can last a few days or weeks even months if not corrected by medications.
I'll enjoy the ride till my next visit.
Thanks for reading leave a comment I will respond.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The inner calm

The inner calm comes from a place of simplicity.Taking things easy,not being so hard on myself.trying to make everything perfect in a less than perfect world.
Slow down enjoy the moment rather than always being in my head with the rambling of my thoughts.It takes practice believe me.when a thought comes in I first write about them just to get it out.Then I go for a walk just the breeze on my face,the calm that natures beauty brings me.when I walk as though I am in a hurry I remind myslef to slow down,I say to hi to others stop and have a chat.Just the connection however brief makes like I accomplished something.Sometimes sure feeling of how is this adding up to anything come in,feelings of defeat,I look around and compare myself to others.
I feel like I don't measure up at times.I am where I am cause that is the way it is. It all really boils down to acceptance and my fight to accept my own reality.
I haven't written in a long while,because really who am I kidding I am not a writer even though I write but the whole purpose was to share my story and in hopes it helps someone struggling just like me.
Have a great day leave a comment!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Let's get real about Bipolar

Let's get real about bipolar.Bipolar is a Mental illness can also have physical and behavioral affects as well.In a time capsule that just will not give.Everything seems more difficult.
Relationships,energy levels up and down like a yo-yo out of control.
An appetite that can be big or small dependant on moods.This is hard on a girls figure to say the least.Then there are times when I can barley get out of bed never-mind turn over in it..always searching for the converter didn't I just have it.
Times like this are so peaceful when all I have are the thundering ideas that run amok in my brain.The midnight hours make it to exhausting to complete anything for the following day.Plan what? my days and life ahead.Gees I don't even know if I can make.Like a dog chases his own tale,returning to his own vomit.
Loud noises send us through the roof....I know count to ten and keep calm..really who has this much time.I am always in a hurry to get away..from...nothing.
It does get better,doesn't it?
thanks for reading Keep coming back and post comments I love them and you!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

In for a ride

This Bipolar thing makes you hold on tight and go with the ride.Sometimes when we let it get out of control,there is nothing to hold on too.
It has been over a month,I am back on meds.It seems days are calmer and I wake up thinking life is not so bad after all.The previous manic episode had me bewildered.
Still making me question,what happened?
Wasn't I doing all the right things to keep Bipolar at bay.
Bipolar isn't something we can control.The illness rears its ugly head,in moods,episodes,acting out behaviours.keeping everything in checks and balances can make the strongest of characters thin and weary.
I am looking better and feeling better.fewer outbursts and episodes that is something that only meds can do.
I accept that.
Just an update,How are you doing?

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The reason of all reasons

A blog dedicated to strength,courage and hope.
Mental Illness and addictions is a disease,it should be treated as such recovery is possible.
My goal is to carry the message to those that still suffer that you will not have to be in isolation. be free my friend at last.
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